Tuesday, April 2, 2013

This wasn't supposed to happen...

I feel like the powers that love to fuck me over are laughing hysterically right now. I was supposed to file my claim today and even if I was denied, my lawyer was going to appeal. Come to find out, even if I do file, since I filed back in 2006 and was denied (apparently I wasn't "disabled enough" or some such shit), I'll just be denied again. I'm the one who lives with back and knee pain, not them! Why do they get to decide if I'm able to work or not?! Everyone I talk to KNOWS I'm disabled... they can literally hear it.

You know, I would actually love to work. But no one will hire me! I've tried to get a job, believe me. I have skills, I'm intelligent, and if there's something I don't know, I know how to open my mouth and fucking ASK. But people listen to how I talk, maybe see how I stand and walk, and I never get called back for an interview. Do you know how much that sucks? Not only that, it's damned hurtful. Okay, I'm slow (physically, at least), but I have a lot to offer an employer. Give me a fucking chance and I'll prove it.

There's so much I want to do, and $700+/month doesn't allow me (or anyone else) to do much. I'm saving as much as I can, but I'm only allowed to save $2,000. If I was on DAC, I could save a million dollars. $2,000 vs unlimited... what would any of you choose? You can do a hell of a lot more with unlimited funds than you can with $2,000. I could take a vacation every year if I wanted, go to Styx concerts, whatever.

I just want to be able to have a good... no, a better life than what I'm living now. Yeah, I'd still have to budget. I'd have to make choices... would I rather spend my money on A or B? But I'd be able to make better choices with more money. (Say, I could afford a hotel room AND get souvenirs at the Styx concert instead of choosing one over the other.)

And the housing thing. As long as I'm only on SSI, I'm pretty much stuck here where I am. I can't afford anything better. I can get on regular Section 8 (right now I'm in a special program for people with physical and/or mental disabilities, but 1. they're not taking applications right now, and 2. I want a place that's (sorta) my own (I'd still be paying rent to someone). I don't think I'm asking for too much, do you?

Well, I've gone on long enough. I needed to vent, and this is way too long for a Facebook status update. If you've made it this far, I thank you for reading! I do appreciate all who read my blog, whether you leave feedback or not.

And apologies for the profanity. Sometimes it just feels good to drop an f-bomb here and there... lol.