Thursday, January 31, 2013

Not good news, but I can take care of it

I went to my appointment today, and guess what? They couldn't find a trace of my dad in the computer. I gave the lady his name, his birthdate, birthplace, my grandmother's maiden name... nope, not there. WTF? I called the lady in charge of the DFW Airport retirement plan (whatever they call it) and asked her to call me back with his social security number. (I hope they have it.) Now I just have to wait...

I also found out the correct terminology for what I'm applying for... it's Disabled Adult Children's benefits. Now I don't have to give the lengthy explanation the next time I have an appointment.

I have a doctor's appointment at the end of next month. I'm going to try to get a full physical exam (I expect Social Security will want proof from a doctor that I have the disabilities that I say I do. Of course they know I have cerebral palsy and scoliosis, but I also have arthritis, emphysema, and bipolar disorder, all of which I was diagnosed with after I was approved for SSI.) So I guess sometime in March I'll go back to Social Security and apply for DAC benefits. Hopefully I'll be able to get them.

Monday, January 28, 2013

My thoughts

"UK Government Source: Teachers May Face Firing for Refusing to Teach Gay Marriage"

As with any other job where you work with the public (and teaching children is "working with the public", unless you work at a private religious school or home school), you can't discriminate. If the law says you must teach about various types of families, you have to teach about those families, or you can find another job.

(Knowing regrettably little about the fight for equality in the UK or in the rest of the European Union, I'm coming at this from the perspective of an American. If anyone reads this who knows more about the laws in the UK or the EU, I'd love your input!)

Look, gays and gay families are here to stay. They're not going away just because some folks wish to ignore them and pretend they don't exist. Gay couples will get married (or have civil unions, domestic partnerships, or whatever) and adopt children or have their own whether the Religious Right likes it or not.  That's a given.

You see, I've read and heard (and agree) that part of "freedom of religion" is freedom from religion -- we're all free to believe, or not, in a Higher Power (whether it's God, Allah, Krishna, or the Flying Spaghetti Monster (for all my Pastaferian friends ;-)). As much as my Christian friends don't want to hear it, this is not a Christian Nation. Even though some of our laws coincide with biblical laws (e.g., "thou shalt not kill" and "thou shalt not steal"), those laws are in place to protect the rights of other Americans (i.e., the right to life and the right to their property).  Whose rights does not allowing gays to marry and have children protect? The rights of Christians not to have to see "those people" going around acting as though what they're doing is completely natural and normal? Sorry, but it is normal and natural -- for them. Gay people deserve to be able to be with the ones they're in love with, just like straight people do. (And if the thought of gay sex grosses you out, here's an novel idea -- do what I do and don't think about it! See how easy that was?)

I will say that I sometimes have sympathy for Christians who can't deal with the thought of gay rights or gay equality. I was right there with you up until about the time I was 25 or so. I was raised Southern Baptist, as a lot of you know, and a lot of you know that Southern Baptists are some of the most conservative folks around! (For all that they hate Catholics, they sure have some of the same ideas!) Then I moved to Dallas and met some gay people. And I discovered that hey! They're really no different than straights. Not one of them have ever tried to "recruit" me into the "gay lifestyle" (for lack of a better phrase), and I've grown to love some of them like my own family. There are rare occasions when I wonder if what I'm doing is "right", if maybe I'll end up going to hell for "doing what's right in my own eyes", but if I do, I know that a lot of other people will be there with me. I'm just trying to treat people the way I'd want to be treated, and that includes fighting to give them the same rights that I have -- the right to marry the person that they love, the right to raise children, the right to go where they want and do what they want without fear of being attacked (verbally and/or physically). As long as it's not harming anyone else (and it's not), it's nobody's business what they do or where they go.

Have an appt. at Social Security on Thursday

I'll be applying (for the second time) for SSDI. I hope I can get it this time. I'm going to call a lawyer as soon as I get home and see if he'll work with me to get it. I'm hoping that if I can get even a few hundred dollars more a month, then I can save enough by the end of the year to make a down payment on a house.

My roommate talked to a paralegal in her lawyer's office this morning (she said the woman was awfully rude!) and the paralegal will talk to the lawyer. I hope he'll finally get off his ass and help her!  She needs the money!

I think I have a couple of hundred in savings right now. Hopefully I'll get my check from my dad's retirement tomorrow. With my weekly allowance, that will be $184. I need to do some grocery shopping, and I also have an appt. at the groomer's next Monday for Alaska. That'll cost about $60.  I also need to get some quarters to do laundry (another reason I want to get my own place... I can have a washing machine and dryer that I don't have to pay to use!).

I need a new phone. The screen froze on my current one and I can't use the little slider thingy to unlock it. I hope I have insurance on it. I really don't want to have to pay for a new one (or at least pay full price, which I believe was $60). Sometimes technology is more trouble than it's worth, lol. I can say the same about my computer, although it's not really the computer's fault that the broadband link is unavailable (and comes back when it damn well pleases), or that the DNS lookup failed (what the hell does that even mean???). Sometimes I feel like doing an Elvis (am I the only one who's heard the story (possibly apocryphal) that whenever Elvis didn't like what was on tv, he'd pull out a gun and shoot it? Good thing I don't have a gun in my possession; I'd be doing that to my computer at least five times a day. lmao) #firstworldproblems

Well, I'll probably update between now and Thursday, but I'll definitely let you all know how my appt. with Social Security went!

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Just read an article

"Roe vs Wade Gives Mortal Man the Legal Right to Commit Murder"

It's by Charlie Daniels (yes, that Charlie Daniels), and I have to say that I agree. I'm conservative enough to believe in the sanctity of life, but liberal enough that I know it's not my place to tell others that they must believe as I do or what they can and cannot do with their own bodies. I once heard someone refer to a fetus as a "parasite" (which technically it is, as all unborn creatures are -- they feed off their "hosts", i.e. their mothers), and I was horrified. Technically speaking or not, that "parasite" is a living being that nine months after it begins "feeding" on its "host" is able to live outside its mother's body.

When does life begin? A lot of people, religious and not, believe that life begins at conception, when the cells begin dividing. I, obviously, agree (although the Bible verse Mr. Daniels quoted seems to indicate that "life", at least spiritually, begins even before that.)

Mr. Daniels also posed a question that I've been asking ever since the Scott Peterson case (as you may recall, Peterson was sentenced to death for the murders of his wife, Lacey, and their unborn son, Connor). The question he asks is, "How can a court that upholds abortion consider the slaying of a pregnant woman a double murder?" I've asked that question myself, and have received no answer. Possibly because, as Mr. Daniels noted, it makes no sense. Is a baby only a baby (as opposed to a "fetus" or a "pregnancy" or whatever else you want to call it to make yourself feel better about taking a human life) when it's wanted? That makes no sense, either (at least to me). If someone who wholeheartedly believes that an unborn child is a "parasite", or simply a blob of tissue reads this, could you please explain it to me? I would like to know. I welcome any and all comments, even if you decide to bash me for my beliefs. They're strong enough that they won't be changed just because someone disagrees with me.


I'm going to have to find out who the ISP is for the office, so I'll know who NOT to call when I want to set up internet/phone service with when I move! (No problems with the phone, but the internet service sometimes sucks!) I've had to reboot my laptop twice this morning because 1. "The broadband link is currently unavailable", and I thought rebooting might help (it didn't... the broadband link seems to come back when it's good and ready), and 2. I lost my internet connection, and instead of waiting (patience may be a virtue, but unfortunately, it's not one of mine), I just decided to reboot again. My laptop reconnected immediately. Yay!

So that's all that's happened this morning. :-)

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Texting my roommate

I've found out a little more about the house she found for us. It's 2400 sq.ft., large backyard w/ enclosed dog run, gourmet kitchen w/ marble island, plenty of cabinet space, media/theater room upstairs, unfurnished, don't know how many bdrms/baths. She's waiting for the owners to reply to her email about if they'll be willing to do a rent to own type of thing. I'm sure they'll want to meet us (I would, just to see what kind of women we are. Hey, we may be in our forties and disabled, but that  doesn't mean we don't know how to have a GOOOOOOOD TIME! LOL Although we probably won't... *g*)

It looks like this may actually happen! I'm getting more and more excited. I'll definitely keep everyone updated!

She just texted me and told me that her dog that just had puppies just had a seizure. We're hoping nothing happens to her, because that would leave the babies without milk.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013


I'm not sure whether to get my hopes up or not. I just saw a Facebook message from my friend that she found a house that are rent-free for the first three months and then $450/month beginning the fourth month. That would sure help us save money to buy stuff we'll need, but after so many disappointments, I'm not sure how to feel. I guess I'll wait for her to text me back (I asked for more info).

I'm more than ready to get out of here (even though she doesn't have her disability yet... I guess if she doesn't get it within those three months, I could use my savings to pay her half, and she could pay me back?!). I have an appointment at Social Security on the 31st to apply for SSDI, so maybe I'll be getting more money myself. I hope so. One of my biggest dreams (I've said this before) is to have a home of my own (or in this case, half of my own) with nice stuff. I'm keeping most of my furniture except for one chest of drawers that I don't use. So I have a bed, a chest of drawers, a desk, and a wicker chest to keep stuff in. I also have three trash cans (one we can keep in the kitchen, one for my bedroom, and one for the bathroom); I have dishes and silverware and a couple of pots and pans (I do have a wok that we can use for stir-fry if we want). I don't know what all she has, but I suspect that there's a lot we'll need. (Living room/dining room furniture, for sure, and probably other stuff for the kitchen, which we can get off of freecycle. We'll need at least a couple of TVs. I can buy one, I guess, since I'm planning to anyway. We'll need to see how much the utilities (gas/water/electricity) will be, then see how much we'll have to spend for internet/cable (or satellite).)

I guess I'll have to wait until tomorrow to hear back from her.

Sunday, January 20, 2013

A huge dream of mine...

One of my dream jobs would be to work in a book or music store (like Border's, before they went under, or Barnes & Noble). I would love to get a small-business loan (yeah, right, my credit sucks) and be able to buy a building and open my own store (like Half-Price Books). I'd need a partner, of course, someone who has management/accounting experience. (I've never managed anything in my life, and financial stuff makes me break out in hives... Okay, that's a slight exaggeration, but not much of one. lol) I'd love to sell books, music, movies, and cards, and maybe have a little cafe (like most bookstores have these days).

I've always been a huge reader, not to mention I'm passionate about music, so being around books and CDs and DVDs all day would be like a dream come true. Maybe I could start small; have a yard sale and sell some of the stuff I have already. (I don't have a lot of books and stuff, and most of what I have I want to keep, but I'm going to have to do a lot of weeding before I move anyway...) One of the reasons I haven't been able to find a job, I think, is because of my speech (I had one lady tell me outright that that was why I wouldn't be hired... evidently people from the corporate office stopped in sometimes, and I forget what else she said. I was too stunned to pay attention. :-() Unfortunately it was awhile back, so it's probably too late to contact the EEOC and file a complaint under the ADA.

Would love some feedback

I just read a story on Huffington Post, and some of the comments got me to thinking. We're called not to judge ("Judge not lest ye be judged"), and yet we're also called to call sin sin. Now in my opinion, the kind of judging Christ was referring to was like "You're going to hell" for this or that. Some things are evil and sinful. If we're not to judge, how can we call the Holocaust evil? How can we say that Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden were evil men?

In this post, I'm not talking about gay rights or gay marriage, even though the HuffPost article was. I believe, as do a lot of other people, that God created some people gay, just like he created some people straight or bi or transgender. (I actually met a male-to-female transperson last year, and had no problem referring to her by her chosen gender identity.) I;m just speaking in general terms about how my view of any given topic can be right for me and yours can be right for you, and no one has a right to judge another. Well, we do judge each other all the time.

For example, I appreciate all the humanitarian things Angelina Jolie does, but I don't like her because 1. She stole Brad Pitt from Jennifer Aniston, and 2. She's a spoiled b!tch. From all I've read about her, in her personal life, it's her way or no way. You can't be that way in a relationship, and even though Brad was wrong in what he did, I think he's a saint to have put up with her for 7(?) years. (Of course, he does have his kids to think about, too, and I can totally understand his wanting to stay with her for their sake.)

And then there are all the hypocritical Republicans (Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney, to name two). Newt because not only has he been married three times, but he cheated on Wife #1 with Wife#2, and on Wife #2 with Wife #3. And yet allowing gays to marry would "destroy the sanctity of marriage". WTF And of course with good ol' Mitt, when he was governor  of MA, there was Romneycare. Yet when we get Obamacare (which is exactly the same thing as Romneycare), suddenly he's against it. Why, unless it's just because Obama's a Democrat? It kinda disgusts me how the Republicans shoot down everything our President tries to do just because he's a Democrat. (The Democrats do the same to the Republicans, of course, but at least the Democrats aren't trying to send us back to the 50s or something. I'm talking about how they're against abortion -- I believe that sometimes it's necessary to have an abortion, like if the mother's health/life is in jeopardy, or even in cases of rape or incest. (Todd Akins's talk about "legitimate rape"? *gags* Where do people -- MEN -- like that get off?!) And they're being against birth control. It's up to the COUPLE to decide when they want to start a family, how many kids they want, etc. It's sickening how some people want to control a woman's body.)

If these people are so concerned about the "sanctity of marriage", why not outlaw divorce (except in isolated cases, such as infidelity or abuse)? Get rid of the "irreconcilable differences" bs (which as far as I can tell, means that on spouse refuses to "reconcile" themselves to the fact that the other is cheating on them every chance they get). (Yep, listen to me, the wise, NEVER-BEEN-MARRIED guru... lol.)

I think I may have just found a new church to try out. It's in all-inclusive church (White Rock Community Church on Garland Rd.... has anyone been there? Anyone know anything about it?) Yes, it's kind of far away, and I may continue church-shopping for one closer, but for now I think I'm going to check that one out (next Sunday -- unfortunately it's too late to make it to services this week. Of course I could try to go on Wednesday night, or one of their Friday night services.) I never thought I'd be interested in going to church again, but I really need the fellowship. I'm tired of never going anywhere or doing anything. Also, maybe if I start networking with people, I can find a job/a place to live. I won't get my hopes up, but it is a possibility. I can talk to the pastors there and see if they can help me out.

Well, again, if anyone has any feedback, I'd love to hear it!

Friday, January 18, 2013

Just contacted an attorney

Now, now, don't freak out. No one's in any legal trouble; I just need help in getting on disability.

I've applied before, but Social Security told me that in order to collect my dad's Social Security, I had to have applied within two years after his death. Well, when I applied for SSI in '97, no one told me that. I had no idea I could even apply for SSDI under him. So now I'd like a lawyer to help me get it. Maybe they can find some sort of loophole or something that can allow me to have it. I'm hoping so, anyway. My rent will increase, but I don't care about that. All I care about right now is that I can save a lot more money under SSDI than I can under SSI. (I'm not sure how much they'll let you have in savings under SSDI, but it's only like $2,000 under SSI. I want to at least save enough to make a down payment on a really nice house in a nice area.)

I'm not sure how long it will be before we find a house. I'm still hoping it will be soon.

I just posted on the Richland High School Alumni page on Facebook. I hope someone will see it and be able to help. If not, I guess we'll continue searching on or some other site.

Y'all please keep us in your thoughts and prayers!

Thursday, January 17, 2013


I talked to my friend Doug on Tuesday, and he said when my birthday comes around, he'll take me to a pawnshop and help me get a new laptop. He paid $250 for the one he has, and has never had a problem with it. I'll still need to get a flash drive so I can download my stuff from my current computer and then upload it to my new one. I'll also have to get Norton, but that only costs $60/year, so no problems there. I'll also have money left over to get an iPod! Yay!

 I went and got my ID renewed yesterday. It'll take about two weeks for it to come in the mail. As soon as I get my check from my dad, I'll go open a bank account. I'm still thinking Chase. I've banked with them before, and they always treated me well. I'm going to open a checking and a savings account, putting back $25/month, and any extra money I save up from my weekly allowance from my SSI. (I'm trying to live off $50/week while saving up $150-$200/month.) I think I'm doing pretty well with that. I may be able to take a trip in the fall to see Styx after all if I keep going the way I am. About every six months I plan to cash in what I've saved up in change and put that in savings, too, so hopefully I'll have a several hundred dollars by the time I decide when and where to go see the band. Of course, I'll have to save money in case my friend and I find a house within the next few months, too. I still would like to move by the summer, but I don't know. I'll just have to keep praying that we'll find something soon.

I just read this article ("The Lying Disease"), and it's just horrifying how many liars, scammers, and cheats there are on the internet. I'm not talking about the Nigerian scams, the "friends" who are stranded in foreign countries with no money, etc.; but people who would fake serious, often fatal illnesses to get sympathy and/or money. As it says in the article, Manchausen's Syndrome/Manchausen's by Proxy has been around for decades, and the invention of the internet has just made it easier for these people to scam total strangers. I fee kind of sorry for them (they're mentally ill, after all), but as one commenter said, that's no excuse. I wonder exactly how much their therapy is helping them.

I'm going to go ahead and out myself here. I can be very manipulative myself. It's easier (on me) if I can get other people to do stuff for me. Like getting on SSDI. I've tried to get my counselor to do all that (contact Social Security, since as I told him, social worker types all speak the same language and maybe he could move things along faster. It's also why I wanted him to help me get on Section 8 even with the years long waiting list. He suggested that I contact the housing authorities in places like Garland, although I'd actually rather live someplace like Plano... Collin Creek Mall is there, and I love that place!) It would be very easy for me to make up a fake persona and go on various forums and play the victim. But I can't bring myself to do that. Sooner or later someone would catch me in a lie (or a dozen) and then they'd never trust me again. That would be the worst thing that I could imagine.

One thing I want to do on this blog is be as transparent as possible. I won't always go into great detail about my life, but I will be honest. If I need to vent, then I'll vent (as I've already done a couple of times). I'll be willing to share my joys and my sorrows with everyone whether I know them or not. (I have people in my Google+ circles, and hope to gain more. Anyone and everyone is welcome to comment on this blog or leave a message for me.)

Thanks to all who read my blog. I really appreciate it.

An important booklet by Alvin McEwin

Alvin is the author of the blog Holy Bullies and Headless Monsters and recently wrote a booklet entitled "How They See Us". It's a must-read! If you have gay friends or family members, please share this with them!

HowThey See Us by Alvin A. McEwen

Monday, January 14, 2013

I'm putting back $150 of my SSI check in savings. That means in four months (by my birthday) I'll have $600 saved up. By July it'll be $900. I think that's enough to buy a new computer and an iPod. I'll wait and buy the other stuff I want for Christmas. (The stereo and CDs and stuff.)

Unless my friend and I end up moving before then (I hope we will), then I'll just use the money for my share of the down payment on the house. I haven't been on freecycle in a while, so I don't know what kind of stuff they have on there. It really depends on what area of the city we move to. The "high rent" areas (for lack of a better term) will naturally have nicer stuff people want to give away. Hopefully the people whose house we end up renting/buying won't mind if we install a satellite dish in their yard, because I really want to get something like DISH Network (I wonder if they have internet service? I guess I'll call and ask when time gets closer for us to move.).

I actually think I'd better hold off on the computer and stuff until after the move... two things I want to buy for the new house (at least my room) are a digital TV and a DVD player. Both of those will probably cost me a couple of thousand dollars, depending on where I buy them (Best Buy or Target or someplace). I could look on Amazon or someplace like that. Maybe they'd have them cheaper. I've bought a lot of stuff from Amazon, and I've never been disappointed.

I'm hoping my friend can get her disability soon and find a house so we can get out of our respective living situations!

Sunday, January 13, 2013


I still can't get over the fact that Jameson (Parker; JP) responded to my comments on his blog yesterday. (Okay, so I'm still a little star-struck... I had such a huge crush on the man back in the 80s when he was on Simon & Simon (he played AJ)). But I do enjoy his posts. A few days ago, he wrote an amusing entry, and now he writes something like his "Gun Appreciation Day" entry. And he writes so well! That's the kind of writing I aspire to do. Of course, I don't have the kind of life experiences that he does, so I can't write about the same types of things that he does. (Maybe I'll get one of those emails promising me great riches if I send my personal info to some bank I've never heard of in London or where ever. You know, the ones where an African patriarch died and they haven't been able to find his family, blah-de-blah... Those are always fun to read. Or the lottery somewhere in England. Hey, if I could win a few zillion pounds (how much is a pound in American dollars, anyway?) I could forget about renting a house and just flat-out buy one. A house big enough for me, my friend, our dogs, and maybe more dogs.)

Okay, maybe not. But it's fun to dream about having lots of money. Be as rich as Oprah, or Bill Gates, or Donald Trump... I'd buy the biggest house and property I could find and become the crazy dog lady. :-) I'd adopt as many dogs from shelters as I could, or even right from people who couldn't keep their dogs anymore. And they would live in the lap of luxury, of course. Only the best food and shelter for my babies.

Have y'all heard about that Publisher's Clearinghouse sweepstakes they're doing now? The $5,000/week for life one? What I could do with that much money! And then I might leave it to my friend if I died before she did, or to one of my brothers. Of course, I'd bury most of it in the bank. (Find the best interest-bearing account I could.) I'd make almost a quarter of a million dollars the first year alone (before taxes; I have no idea how much I'd have to pay in taxes. I might be lucky to have $100,000 at the end of the year.) But hey, that would be a heck of a lot more than I'm making now!

Hmmm, I'm getting way off what I was writing about at first, lol. (I tend to do that.) Getting back on topic, I might see if I can go back to school or take a few online courses in creative writing. I've always loved to write, and it probably wouldn't hurt to beef up my skills. My grandmother took some classes when she and my aunt lived in AZ, and she wrote some stories about her life. One of my favorites was a story she used to tell all the time about when I first moved to OK to live with her and my step-grandfather.

It seems a couple of ladies from Green Country MHMR (that's the closest I can come to what it was called) came out to evaluate me. (I have no idea why, and neither did my dad or grandmother.) Anyway, they did a bunch of tests (which I passed with flying colors; I was an intelligent kid!), one of which involved raisins and a bottle. They put the raisins in the bottle and watched to see if I could figure out how to get them out. Of course the neck of the bottle was too small for me to reach my finger into and get them out, so after puzzling over it for a bit, I turned the bottle over and shook them out. Grandma said that as the ladies were leaving, one of them turned to her and said, "Mrs. Merritt, if that child's retarded, I'd sure hate to see a smart one!" lol (Retarded, no. Scatterbrained in the extreme, but definitely not retarded. I'm one of those people who'd lose or forget their head if it wasn't firmly attached.)

I wish I could remember more of my childhood. It's funny (weird) that I have such a great memory, but except for a few little things, I can't remember much about growing up in Oklahoma or visiting my parents in Richland Hills (or even after I moved to Texas full-time). I remember watching my brothers Pat and Lonnie playing football, I remember things like chasing the bus down when I missed it. I remember my brother Lonnie carrying me to the end of the driveway on cold winter mornings. I remember a few of my teachers (like my first-grade teacher, Anna Milligan, who taught me to read. I picked up on that really quickly, needless to say. You can hardly find me without a book these days.)

I remember going to Six Flags when I came down to visit my dad. I even remember the first time I rode the Shockwave there. I was scared of the loops, and ducked my head, getting it trapped between me and the restraining bar. My brother Frank and his then-wife had to work hard to get my head unstuck. I spent a few Christmases with my parents, and I remember one year I got a baby doll that I loved. (I don't know what happened to that doll. I think her name was Angel.)

I do remember one year my grandmother made me a doll (a Cabbage Patch-type doll). She had curly yellow hair, and I named her Elizabeth Ann. I ended up giving her to my Aunt Annette because she had a childhood friend named Elizabeth Ann. (My grandmother made me another doll, of course.) And there were the soft sweaters that all the girls were wearing in Jr. High. I wanted one so bad, and I asked my Aunt Jessie for one for Christmas. Unfortunately, what I got was a purple wool winter sweater. (Okay, that makes since. It was winter, after all, and she didn't know about the fashions in Warner, OK, being from Michigan.)

Jeez, I talk to much even when I'm writing, lol! I'll probably post more memories (such as they are) later.

Saturday, January 12, 2013

Musings on God and Christianity...

...a macho sky daddy whose existence is factually- unsupported by any evidence one can see, hear or touch...

I read this description of God in the comments section of a blog just now, and I wonder... yes, God's existence is "factually unsupported" by any tangible evidence (except for the Bible, and as I've read so many other people say, you can't "prove" the existence of God using the Bible, since it's the supposed word of someone who's existence can't be proven (I have a headache now)). I'm not saying that's what I believe... in fact, I don't. What's wrong with having faith in something you can't see, hear, feel, touch?  What's wrong with believing that there's a God who created us? (Or, for some of us, who caused the lightning strike millions of years ago that started the cycle, and then "let nature take its course" (no pun intended))? Yes, there are Christians out there who aren't very Christ-like. They're hypocritical, they're mean, they're bigoted, and they do horrible things in the name of our God and our Jesus. But that's no reason to bash all Christians, for the actions of a relative few. (Those few just get better press and give true Christians a bad name.)

I was raised Southern Baptist, which, if any of you all don't know about them, they're the most conservative of all the Protestant denominations. I left the Southern Baptist church behind in my mid-twenties, and have had no great desire to go back since (especially knowing their view on homosexuality). I have thought over the years about finding an inclusive church... Episcopalian, Methodist, etc., but haven't really bothered looking. I prefer to think of myself as "spiritual" rather than "religious", and to me that means you can worship God where ever and whenever. You can sit in a park in the midst of God's creation and quietly read your Bible and pray. (Maybe not sing, unless you don't mind getting weird looks...) My point is, you don't need to sit in a church pew on Sundays and perhaps the occasional Wednesday night to worship. I agree that it's good to fellowship with other Christians, but again, you can do that anytime and anywhere. "Where two or three are gathered in my name, there I am in the midst of them," Jesus said.  (Matthew 18:20) Doesn't that prove that you can "have church" anywhere that a small group of believers are gathered? unprovable mythology from ancient, unenlightened times in human history. As long as religion is given a free pass to destroy lives, we will never escape the dark ages.

Another comment from the same blog entry I referenced above. Again, there's no way to "prove" the existence of God (and no way to disprove it either), but that's where faith comes in. Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. (Hebrews 11:1). THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH HAVING FAITH IN A HIGHER POWER. And it is not religion (Christianity specifically) that destroys lives; it's the abuse of the Bible. We are called to speak the truth in love, but for a lot of Christians, where's the love? We can condemn what we see as sin, but  for so many, it's only condemnation. No one can feel the love that we're supposed to exhibit.

And I wish Christians would stop condemning each other to hell for their beliefs!!! Again, not all Christians do this, but I've come across several who've told me that I'm going to hell for my support of gay rights and same-sex marriage. You do not get to tell me I'm going to hell. Only God can send me there, and if he chooses to, there's not much I can do about it. I'm not trying to be flippant about it (it scares the you-know-what out of me; who wants to burn for eternity?), but I'm trying to live my life as I think God would have me to. I think we'll all be surprised when we get to heaven at who he lets in and who he doesn't.

Well, this blog entry is long enough (I didn't intend to write a book here!), so I'll end it now. I'll be posting some more in this vein later, maybe even today. It's nice to be able to get my thoughts out there, even if not many people read them.

Friday, January 11, 2013

I hope this works... I guess I'll find out when I can friggin' get back online!!! I hate it when my internet goes down... Grrrr!!!!!

I like this one

My friend was searching Craigslist, and found a nice sounding house. Here's the description:

Monthly payment is only $695 -- and includes the taxes and insurance. 
NOTE: 100% of your down payment goes towards the purchase price of your home. 

This is a nice 1,215 sq. ft. home with 3-bedrooms, 1-1/2 baths and a 1-car garage. 
It's located on a large lot that backs up to a park. No neighbors in your backyard! 
The kitchen has counter space galore! 
There are two living areas- open living and dining rooms. 
The Master suite includes private half bath.

Not bad! (Although we don't really need the garage, as neither of us drive... I guess my friend could get her license, though.) Hope she calls the guy selling it so we can go look at it. It's in Pleasant Grove, not far from where I live now.

We both prefer the 3 bdrm so we can have office space. (I guess she'll need an office more than I will, depending on the size of the bedrooms.) 

I realize that we can't move right away, not until she gets her disability. I don't make enough to cover all the bills (rent, utilities, cable/internet, cell phone), so it may still be a few months. However, when her check comes in, I'll be ready! 

I guess we could keep looking, but I hope we can find an affordable place soon. The only other prospect so far is a 2 bdrm condo, and the listing didn't say anything about it being pet-friendly. So that's out (probably). 

The thing is, I'd love to adopt another dog after I move. I'd love a little Yorkie. They're so cute! But that'll have to wait, probably until next year. I want to see how my friend and I do as roomies, how our current dogs get along, etc. And of course, I'll have to save up for the adoption fee.

I'm wondering how much a townhouse would cost, or a duplex. That way my friend and I could still live together, but both have our own totally separate spaces. But we'd probably have to pay separate rent on the duplex, and the whole idea of being roommates is to split the costs. So probably no on that idea.

Another thought I've been having is that I'm going to have to let my housekeeper go when I move. I feel sort of guilty about that... she depends on these jobs for money to pay her own bills, and I feel like I'm kind of stiffing her. She just started working for me a week ago, and even though she'll probably have a few months of work, she probably figured on this being a long-term thing. After I leave, she'll have to find someone else to work for, and that may not be easy. I hope she can. I don't want her losing anything by my leaving.

I guess I'll have to talk to my property manager and my counselor about all this soon.

Hopefully it won't be too soon...

before I can move.  My friend has found a nice house in Irving, not far from the mall. 4 bdrm/2 1/2 bath, living room, den, GOURMET(!) kitchen, huge back yard... rent is $700/month, and the owners may even do a rent to own contract. If we don't end up getting that one, she knows of a few other possibilities. Hopefully we can get this moving soon.

She's writing a book right now; she almost has it completed. I don't know if she's planning to go through a publisher or self-publish (that's hard!), but she's hoping to get a lot of sales and maybe some speaking engagements out of it, so that will be good. I've offered to act as her personal assistant (no pay; I just want the experience right now), and we'll talk about that.

It may be awhile before we can make any kind of final plans to move. She's still trying to get her disability, too, plus her dog Chloe is about to have puppies, so it'll be awhile before they're weaned and ready to sell.

Looks like I'll be tossing my cigs in the not-too-distant future... maybe I'll get an e-cig. That would help me cut down on my smoking, and no harmful chemicals to make her sick. I'll have to see how much they'll cost.

It also looks like I may have to wait awhile to get my new laptop, iPod, and other stuff. But if I can work for my friend for awhile, get some experience under my belt, and then get a paying job, that would be awesome. I'd like to be a secretary someplace (or a PA for someone) to get some good money coming in. I won't ask my friend to pay me... I think it's enough that she's willing to have me move in with her. And I think I'm helping her out as much as she's helping me, so it all evens out.

I may convince her to do some blogging, too, to help promote her book. Probably not here on blogspot, though... this place seems to be kind of dead. At least most of the blogs I've llooked at don't seem to have been updated in a year or two. That doesn't bode well for anyone seeing either of our writing. I'm going to check into a few other blogging sites and see how the writers there do as far as updating, and how their readership is. I'll still keep this one open (don't want to lose everything I've written thus far, and copying/pasting/saving and moving it to a new place seems like too much of a pain in the keister. I'll let everyone know if I find a new place to blog, of course.

Haven't had much to post about lately...

And still don't. I have a very boring life, lol. I do have 55 followers on Twitter now, if anyone's interested. :-) I'm still saving up my money in case I move, or for my birthday/Christmas, whichever comes first. I'd like to see if I can get my change jug filled halfway (it's a 5 gallon jug, so that's a lot of spare change!) so I can buy something really nice. I wonder how much I can save in five months? (Or four months, since my birthday's in May.) Maybe I'll just save up my change for Christmas, and use the money I save from my SSI and pension checks for my birthday. Actually, I don't think I'll be spending any money for my actual birthday; I'll save it all until July or August and use it to buy my new laptop and maybe a printer and an iPod if I have enough. (Definitely the iPod, though.)

I also have to take Alaska to the groomer at the beginning of next month to get a bath and a trim. She's getting long and shaggy. (Of course, that's part of the reason I got her... I wanted a long-haired fur baby, but I need to keep her looking nice.) I try to do that every couple of months.  Right now she's engaged in a battle royal with one of her squeaky toys. I love watching her. She barks and growls while she's playing, and I love that.

The property manager at my building is trying to get a vet to come out once a year and give free vaccinations to all the pets (there are a few dogs and cats here). That would be great, since most of us are living off our government checks, and several people have no income at all. (Dallas Housing Authority pays the majority of those people's rent.)

Let's see... there's really not much else to write about. I'm going to try to post something at least once or twice a week, even if it's just a very short piece.

Monday, January 7, 2013


I'm back to trying to save up all the spare change I can. Every little bit helps, you know! That means no more getting depressed and buying loads of candy bars from the vending machine in our building. I'll have to find some other way to make myself feel better and sort of give myself that rush I normally would get from chocolate.

I'm going to try to see how much I can save up for my birthday, and then the back to school sales later in the summer, and then Christmas. I'm going to go get my ID renewed tomorrow (Tuesday) so I can open a bank account with my dad's check. I'm planning on opening both a checking and a savings account and putting back at least $25/month in savings.

One good thing -- I now have full-time housekeeping, paid for by Medicaid. So I don't have to pay for housecleaning anymore. Yay! Right now, we're just busy cleaning out my closet and drawers, trying to declutter things. I need to go through all my storage totes and see what I can throw out and what I can keep, and I need to see about renting a storage unit (there's a U-Haul place not far from where I live, so maybe I can get a place there for not too much money).

Let's see... not much else is going on right now. I'm still sad that I can't move down to Copperas  Cove with my friend (she sent me a text on Friday saying she's leaving today), but maybe I can find another roommate. I hope so. I really do need to get out on my own (relatively speaking, since I'll still be living with someone), and Alaska needs more space, too. My counselor told me about a dog park off of Mockingbird (note to self: find out where it is exactly) that I can take her to. He said they won't allow dogs on leashes once you're inside, but it's fenced in well so I can let her run and play. Hopefully there will be lots of other dogs there so she'll have other four-legged pals to get to know.

Well, that's it for now. Hopefully I'll have more good news as time goes on!

Saturday, January 5, 2013

A story I found one day

Feel free to share!

I Rescued a Human Today

Her eyes met mine as she walked down the corridor peering apprehensively into the kennels. I felt her need instantly and knew I had to help her.

I wagged my tail, not too exuberantly so she wouldn't be afraid. As she stopped at my kennel, I blocked her view from a little accident I had in the back of my cage. I didn't want her to know that I hadn't been walked today. Sometimes the overworked shelter keepers get too busy, and I didn't want her to think poorly of them.

As she read my kennel card I hoped she wouldn't feel sad about my past. I only have the future to look forward to, and I want to make a difference in someone's life.

She got down on her knees and made little kissy sounds at me. I shoved my shoulder and the side of my head up against the bars to comfort her. Gentle fingertips caressed my neck; she was desperate for companionship. A tear fell down her cheek and I raised my paw to assure her that all would be well.

Soon my kennel door opened, and her smile was so bright that I instantly jumped into her arms.

I would promise to keep her safe.

I would promise to always be by her side.

I would promise to do everything I could to see that radiant smile and sparkle in her eyes.

I was so fortunate that she came down my corridor. So many more are out there that haven't walked the corridors. So many more to be saved. At least I could save this one.

I rescued a human today. 

Copied from

I encourage everyone to go to this site and read the stories. Some are funny, some are heartbreaking. It's one of my favorite sites to visit and read stories not only about dogs, but other animals as well.

Had a good talk with my counselor yesterday

He said it's normal and healthy for me to be upset and yes, angry because I'm not able to move in with my friend. I understand why I can't... she has asthma and can't be around a smoker, and even if I quit, it'll take forever for the smell to get out of my clothes and other stuff. (My property manager, who is also a heavy smoker, says he doubts that the smell ever really goes away.) So, yeah, I don't want to make her sick with my habit. But that doesn't mean I can't grieve over the loss of one of my biggest dreams.

It's just that I've lived here for fourteen years, and when I first moved here in 1998 (I was 26), this was only supposed to be a temporary thing. I'd just lost my parents (my dad died in '94, and my mom in '96), and I was just looking for a place to live until I could get a job and get on my feet. I definitely wasn't looking to make this a permanent residence. So when I have what I think is a good opportunity to get out and get a place of my own, I'm going to jump on it, and I'm going to be disappointed and frustrated and angry when it falls through. So. Where do I go from here?

I'm still looking for a place to go. I want a roommate, I want to leave here ASAP, and I'm willing to pay rent. I can't afford much; I still only make $735/month, but at least that's something. I'd still like a 2 or 3 bedroom/1 or 2 bath home with a backyard for Alaska. I would be willing to relocate if necessary. That includes out of state. I'm not sure what kind of response I'd get to any offers I'd make (I refuse to go on Craigslist... I tried finding a roommate (female) through them once, and all I got was offers from guys who would accept monetary payment, but also wanted another form of payment. Um, that would be NO! Or as my grandmother would say, "Not no, but HELL NO!" Or to put it more colorfully, "Not no, but HELL F*#@ING NO!"

So if anyone knows of anyone looking for a roommate, please let me know!

Friday, January 4, 2013

I feel like I'm never getting out of here...

I read a comment that my friend left on one of my status updates a few days ago, and she said "I" may be moving in two weeks. *I* not *we*! Of course I'm happy for her, but why can't I get a break?!?! I've had two opportunities to get out of here (two different friends offered to be my roommate) and both times things fell through. The more I think about leaving, the more unbearable staying here becomes. I WANT OUT!!!!! WHY CAN'T THINGS WORK OUT THE WAY I WANT THEM TO?!?! I've been trying to reach my friend to see if there's a way we can still be roomies, but she's not answering my calls or calling me back.

I kinda felt this way when I went to see Styx in Indiana two days after my birthday. The friend I went to the concert with had a third row seat and I was stuck in the 17th row. I thought, it's my birthday... I paid for the ticket, I paid to come up here, *I* should be the one in the third row!!! (For some reason the ushers wouldn't let me move up, either!) Entitled? Yes. But I'd been waiting for so long to see them, I really wanted to get the whole experience, and most of the fans that I'd met through MySpace or Facebook who were there were close to the front, and I wanted to be with them. I didn't know any of the people around me.

The point is, I feel like things hardly ever work out for me, and I wonder why??? I'm not a bad person, but I feel like I'm being punished somehow by having this awesome opportunity dangled in front of me, and then it gets snatched away!

*Sighs* Okay, rant over... for now. Sorry if I brought anyone down with this post. It's not very cheerful.

Hopefully soon I'll be singing this song, lol

"On My Way"

Oh what a beautiful night 
Couldn't get any clearer 
Yeah what a wonderful sight 
My old life in the rear view mirror 

Hey now I'm travelin' light 
Duffel bag and a six string 
Yeah but it feels so right 
To hear the bells of freedom ring 

Gotta get away from 
The same old same 
Let a new day come 
Start over again 

Hey I was stuck in a grind 
Little fish in a little pond 
If I had a criminal mind 
I'd have got myself a gun 

Had to get away from 
The ball and chain 
Let a new day come 
Or start goin' insane 

I'm on my way 
Don't know to where 
But I'm gonna get there 

On my way 
Look at the world 
With my brand new eyes 

I can't believe I feel so high 
I'm on my way tonight 

Hey I was going to seed 
Spreading out like a corn field 
I had so much denial in me 
I was full of nothing real 

I had to get away from 
My old routine 
Let a new day come 
Start over again 

I'm on my way 
I don't know to where 
But I'm gonna get there 

On my way 
Look at the world 
Through my brand new eyes 

I can't believe I get to feel 
So good 
So high tonight 

Starting tonight 
There will be 
A revival 
In my world 

Turn on the lights 
And you'll see 
This one man band 
Is now a symphony 

And the sun 
Is gonna shine 
Like a summer time 
That has no end 

And the love 
I will find 
I have no doubt 
That it will be mine 
The love I find 
Will all be mine 

I had to get away while 
I could still be saved 
Let a new day come 
Stop digging my grave 

On my way... 
I have faith 
The road up ahead 
Gonna get much easier 

On my way 
Look at me now 
With a brand new life 

I can't believe I feel so high 
I'm on my way tonight 

Thursday, January 3, 2013

One of my favorite Styx songs

"Everything All the Time"

There's a crack in the universe,
People say that it's getting worse.
And there's no place that's safe to hide
Better hope we can hitch a ride.

There's a sign in the road ahead,
"Turn back or you'll end up dead"
Yeah, but I don't believe it's true
'Cause it's the road leading back to you.

Pierce my skin, I won't bleed,
Close me in, I'll go to seed,
Make me ask and I won't need
Everything all the time.

There's a face in the photograph
Trying hard to suppress a laugh.
But it ought to be torn in half
Should I ask for an autograph?

Pierce my skin, I won't bleed,
Close me in, I'll go to seed,
Make me ask and I won't need
Everything all the time,
Everything all the time.

Feed my hunger,
Ease my pain.
Feed my hunger, woman,
Ease my pain.

Pierce my skin, I won't bleed,
Close me in, I'll go to seed,
Make me ask and I won't need
Everything all the time.

Everything all the time,

Everything all the time,

All the time,
All the time,
All the time,


Sorry I wasn't around yesterday

But a backache, plug legs hurting, plus stomach cramps, plus a severe case of the runs=not a good time had by me! I was over all of it by early afternoon, but still didn't feel well enough to get online. As you can see now, however, I'm feeling fine, although I just wanted someone to shoot me and put me out of my misery yesterday, lol.

I'm still chomping at the bit waiting to hear if my roommate's friend tells her that he has his other house for rent. That's the 3 bdrm/2 bath that I really want. I have no idea what it looks like, but it sure sounds big enough for two women and four dogs. I'd like to see some pictures, but I guess I can wait on that, too.

I guess so far my new year is getting off to a pretty good start. Unfortunately, my no-smoking thing isn't going too well. I only smoked one cigarette yesterday (because I was sick), but I bought a pack around 2:30 this morning (yeah, I was up early!) and have already smoked half of it (as of 9:00 a.m.) :-( But I promise I will quit by the time we're ready to move!

I need to remember to go by the DPS next week and get my ID renewed so I can open a bank account. It'll be easier for me to withdraw money instead of cashing a check and carrying a bunch of cash around at the beginning of the month. Also, if and when I do move, even though I'll still have to tell Social Security, I won't have the hassle of wondering if they'll get my change of address on file in time for me to get my next check.  I know they have that Direct Express card, but still I'd like to have all my money in one place (plus the bank I want to use charges a fee if your direct deposit is less than $500/month). So I need to go to the Social Security office anyway to get direct deposit set up. I guess I can wait on that for awhile; I just want a bank account for my pension check right now.