He said it's normal and healthy for me to be upset and yes, angry because I'm not able to move in with my friend. I understand why I can't... she has asthma and can't be around a smoker, and even if I quit, it'll take forever for the smell to get out of my clothes and other stuff. (My property manager, who is also a heavy smoker, says he doubts that the smell ever really goes away.) So, yeah, I don't want to make her sick with my habit. But that doesn't mean I can't grieve over the loss of one of my biggest dreams.
It's just that I've lived here for fourteen years, and when I first moved here in 1998 (I was 26), this was only supposed to be a temporary thing. I'd just lost my parents (my dad died in '94, and my mom in '96), and I was just looking for a place to live until I could get a job and get on my feet. I definitely wasn't looking to make this a permanent residence. So when I have what I think is a good opportunity to get out and get a place of my own, I'm going to jump on it, and I'm going to be disappointed and frustrated and angry when it falls through. So. Where do I go from here?
I'm still looking for a place to go. I want a roommate, I want to leave here ASAP, and I'm willing to pay rent. I can't afford much; I still only make $735/month, but at least that's something. I'd still like a 2 or 3 bedroom/1 or 2 bath home with a backyard for Alaska. I would be willing to relocate if necessary. That includes out of state. I'm not sure what kind of response I'd get to any offers I'd make (I refuse to go on Craigslist... I tried finding a roommate (female) through them once, and all I got was offers from guys who would accept monetary payment, but also wanted another form of payment. Um, that would be NO! Or as my grandmother would say, "Not no, but HELL NO!" Or to put it more colorfully, "Not no, but HELL F*#@ING NO!"
So if anyone knows of anyone looking for a roommate, please let me know!